~ BIONIC DEE ~

We Can Rebuild Her……..we think

Woe Is Me

Every once in a while we have those moments where it feels like life is just too much to deal with. Woe is me this or that is making life difficult. I know I’ve had my share of “woe is me” times, especially during the past few months with my struggle to adjust to this back injury. I put on my sad face crown, slip into a black dress and have my own little pity party for a while. I’m not alone in this though. You’ve done it too at some point, or maybe you’re doing it right now. There’s nothing wrong with having a “woe is me” moment, it’s natural. When something bad happens you’re going to get bummed out or depressed for a bit until you find a way out of it. So put on your black duds and have your little pity party. But don’t let it become your life. There’s a difference between having a moment of “okay this sucks” and a full on “eff my life I’m always a victim.” Life isn’t perfect, life will never be perfect. A perfect life would be boring anyways. Believe me I’m not a fan of constantly dealing with BS, but that’s life. Random things are going to happen that you can’t control, and they won’t all be positive.

The problem starts when you let those random moments overwhelm you. You’re rushing down the street and someone  else who’s rushing down the street bumps into you and spills coffee all over you. It sucks but it was an accident. You put get out of the car and your cellphone that was sitting on your lap falls to the ground and your screen cracks. Okay that blows, but again accident. Unless you could’ve done something to prevent the act from happening there is absolutely no reason to go on and on about having a rough life if random accidents happen. It’s the people that let their life spiral out of control that I have an issue with.

I bet you know exactly what kind of people I mean before I even start describing them. Tim is always publicly posting on Facebook about how he can’t find a good job. Now Tim goes into interviews in dirty or wrinkled clothes, acts unprofessional or shows up a half hour late every time without bothering to let them know he’ll be late. Tim’s been fired from every job because of attitude problems and not getting his work done. So once again Tim starts whining about how “he had that interview locked down” and he can’t understand why they wouldn’t hire him. Tim says “people just don’t want to give him a chance” and “they are idiots for probably giving the job to some foreigner.” You see how Tim makes it sound like he’s a victim and no matter how hard he tries he just can’t catch a break. Never mind the fact that his first impression is a bad one because he shows up late, doesn’t bother to iron his clothes and make sure they’re clean, and he acts like a moron during the interview. Any reference check of previous employers is going to end up badly because they’ll talk about how lazy and unreliable he is. Plus it doesn’t help that he publicly bashes companies on Facebook. People seem to forget about that wonderful thing called Google. Anything and everything your name is attached to will show on if they search your name. So all those posts about how this company is stupid or that boss is a moron, yeah they’ll see that and it won’t help you look too good before you come in for that interview. Mmmhmm you know someone just like that!

There are so many people out there that don’t bother to fix the things in their life that they have control over. Don’t put things on Facebook you don’t feel like having to defend to a boss or possible employer. We’ve all met or known someone who just sits there and lets their life spin out of control. Letting their kids act a fool and not stepping in to be a parent, they just whine about it. Publicly posting negative things about wondering why people think they have a bad attitude. If you don’t take responsibility for the things you can control, don’t bother bitching after the fact. You’re the only one who can fix your life. If you’re waiting for someone else to do it for you…well you’ll be waiting forever. Get off your pitiful behind, put on your big girl/big boy panties and start changing things.

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Ooo that smell

Ahhh summertime! The sun is shining, flowers are blooming, birds are singing and….*sniff sniff*….What in the hell is that smell?!! Oh gawd that’s nasty!

Over the years I’ve had to adjust to one of the downsides of living in a big city. The random smells you encounter on your daily journey. The pungent aroma of pee and rotting garbage wafting out of an alleyway. That cloud of steam coming from the subway grates that smells like pee. And the worst offender of them all….RANDOM BODY ODOR. You can adjust to most things. I mean, common sense and experience tell you to hold your breath when you walk past an alleyway because you know it’s going to smell a bit funky. If the sidewalk isn’t too crowded you can sidestep sewer and subway grates to avoid stinky clouds. But there is no way to control the random funk that wafts up your nose when you’re around people. That smell so strong you can taste it! Now granted the only body odor you can control is your own and that of the people you love. During the winter everything is fine because we’re all layered up and you have no idea the person sitting next to you is stinky unless they take off their coat. But in the summertime, there’s no protection from other people’s funk.

Say you’re on the train and you’ve been walking out in the hot sun for an hour or so. You sit down and catch a whiff of what you believe are smelly armpits. Now if you’re not sure how well your deodorant holds up in the heat, or if you rushed out the house and forgot to put some on, you start to feel subconscious. At this point you need to make sure that smell isn’t coming from you. There are a few subtle techniques you can use to find out if you stink. The Stretch & Sniff: slowly stretch your arms above your head and tilt your nose toward one of your armpits, lean your head from side to side sniffing as you go. The Arm Scratch/Lint Pick: raise your arm in front of you and gently scratch, or if  you’re wearing long sleeves pretend to pick lint off your shirt, dip your head quickly and take a sniff. The Where Did I Put That: ladies pretend like you’re digging through your purse to find something, lean in and take a sniff, men if your shirt has a pocket pretend like you’re looking in it and then lean in and take a sniff (if you don’t have shirt pockets you can pretend to pick link off your chest and sniff). All of these wonderful techniques can be used to make sure you’re not the owner of that stench.

Too many times I’ve hopped on a train or bus and caught a whiff of someone’s stanky pits and had to do a self-check to make sure it’s not me…..it’s them! Now I believe that being subjected to someone else’s body odor is a form of assault. If you don’t believe in wearing deodorant/anti-antiperspirant then that’s your business, but please keep your arms down. What bothers me are the rude people that not only expose us to their stench, they feel the need to wave their arms and move about while they repeatedly assault us with their funky selves. I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer to not have to shield my nose and spend the rest of my commute uncomfortable because of someone else. This is why I want to start carrying Febreeze in my purse and randomly spray these Odor Offenders. I’m not talking about a travel size bottle…no no no…I mean one of those giant ones you get in an economy pack 2 for 1 type of deal. If I could I’d put those Glade Stick ‘Ems on people as they pass by, but I’m not putting out that kind of money. Now I’m not saying I need to use the whole bottle, depending on their level of funk that will let me know how much spraying I need to do. The government has color coded threat levels….well let’s think of it in a three step area. LEVEL ONE: mild to moderate amount of funk….tolerable LEVEL TWO: okay you’re ripe but I’ve smelled worse  LEVEL THREE: DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT SMELL! OH MY GOD DID SOMETHING DIE INSIDE OF YOU?! I THINK I JUST THREW UP A LITTLE IN MY MOUTH!

I can handle a Level One or Two, but once you stray into Level Three I’m at a point where I have to physically restrain myself from slapping the offender. I mean really, did that odor rot your nasal senses so that you can’t smell that. Those are the people who need to be sprayed. See I believe what they’re doing is a form of assault upon all of us. By spraying them it’s a form of self-defense because as I said I’m being assaulted by their odor! Of course I’ve had several friends remind me that there are laws against what I want to do. And I don’t look good in prison orange so I’ll continue to bob and weave and hope that one day….one distant day in the future….people will stop spreading their funk and keep it to themselves.

 

 

For More Like This—–> Are You Men, One of Those Mornings

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